Picking on the “Chef” trend

31 Aug

I have a shopping problem, and I never learn.  I’ll buy anything as long as it’s a good deal.  Recently, I bought a 5-course dinner at Chef’s Table at the Fort from DealGrocer.  I thought, you can’t go wrong with DealGrocer! After all, it’s known to be the “premium” group buying site.  So I whipped out the plastic, and bought 2 coupons for Misha and I.

So Misha and I claimed my Chef’s Table 5-course coupon last Friday.  I was excited, because hey, it was 5-courses and I’ve been itching to get a taste of something ‘fusion’ that works.

Course 1 was soup

backlit for anonymity.

2 tiny pieces of Halaan, that’s TWO (mine had two as well, so at least they were consistent), mixed in with watery tomato soup.

Course 2 was a salad

They had pencils and paper table covers, so I figured they were for drawing.  While waiting for the salad, I drew this:

Such Art.

When the salad arrived, my drawing got all wet and gross.  I didn’t take a picture because I felt too much of a “foodie blogger” already.  The salad was a bowl of greens with some forgettable dressing (inf, hindi naman thousand island).  I do remember it having baked baby potatoes which was a nice touch.    The taste?  To quote a famous pinoy blogger, was just OK.

Course 3 was the tuyo pasta

matinik sa chicks.

Tuyo, mixed with pasta, with a bit of cheese.  Squeeze a little calamansi on it and it can pass off as pancit. Order it with friend egg and you’ll have Tuyo-silog, or in this case pa-log.  Tuyo Palog.  Creative, maybe I should be be a Chef.   I’m not being a priss (okay, I kinda am, but the restaurant is called CHEF’S TABLE and not CANTEEN) but the tuyo had tinik, a lot of it, and we all know their tiniks are tiny little bastards that gets into your teeth and throat.  It was pretty uncomfortable to eat after this, I could feel the bones in my throat every time I swallowed and had trouble coughing it up.

Course 4 was the Chill-a-Fino

as bland as my jokes

Tasteless purple yam, on top of another tasteless and overcooked piece of lapu-lapu.  It was tough, gooey and gross.  The textures were all wrong, the flavours did not complement on anything, and the only saving grace for it was the coriander leaves that garnished it.  Two small leaves for taste.  So it’s like a chinese dish with mashed ube?  I suggest a mashed potato kind of preparation for the ube and steam the bloody lapulapu in oyster sauce or something, I don’t know, but WHAT THE HELL.  It was like eating… air.  Pretty plated things that taste nothing like they look is one of my food peeves.  It’s like a bad movie with a killer trailer.

Course 5 was the Buko-pie martini aka SAVING GRACE

cropped my face out because I looked high

This dessert is insane.  I lived in UPLB for a year, and I’m a big fan of bukopie.  This dessert was the liquid version of  the Bukopie.  The Bukopie Martini is what an angel’s cum would taste like.

Aside from the dessert, everything else was a disappointment.  Then again, what would I expect for a coupon that I bought online.  And to think I bought it off DealGrocer, and I’ve never been disappointed with DealGrocer purchases!  I can’t believe I fell for all the shit written about maintaining the quality even if it was on a group buying site.  Bullshit.    I checked a couple of sites where they hosted bloggers and the halaan soup was full of seafood and had a brighter color.  Such bullshit if you ask me.

Luneta Cocktail. Tasted like cough syrup. Perfect for the tinik in my throat.

I’m a film graduate, the reason why I don’t practice my “craft” is because I’m no good at it. If I did make some shitty excuse of a short film, I won’t charge you for it.  Why should you hand over your hard-earned salary for a 15 minute piece of crap.  Money, you can earn, but time, you can’t get back.

The “Chef’s” behind the kitchen seemed to be lacking in training.  If they were “training” by serving us mediocre food, then they shouldn’t be charging us as much as they did.  Half-price or not, it was still expensive considering the preparation and the ingredients.  By charging us, you make sure that the food your serving should at least be worth the price.  But at Chef’s Table, WHAT THE HELL? I mean, really.  If you can’t even cook fish properly, nor can you determine if what you cooked tastes good, then what right do you have serving me food that I will pay for?

Being a “Chef” nowadays seem to be the new “Filmmaker”.  Think “Babae sa Sepctic Tank”, but instead of the (Indie) Film Industry, it’s the whole Culinary Trend.  Plate something pretty, throw in a bit of foie gras, name is all exotic and you can rack up the price by 2000%.  I usually keep my mouth shut when it comes to restaurants, but this place is called CHEF’S TABLE.  The people behind the Kitchen were wearing those fancy smocks with the Philippine flag on their breasts!  I call you “Chef”, you call me “Direk”.

I don’t have culinary training, but I’ve been eating since I was born.  At the end of the day, it can only taste GOOD or BAD.  I like to think I know the difference from the two.  Now I wish I had FORMAL culinary training so I can argue this out with the proper terminology.   Otherwise, I’m just ranting.  But bloody hell, I rant pretty well.

In fairness to CHEF’S TABLE, I wasn’t able to taste their other offerings, but I was highly turned off  with the choices for the set meal.  Your reputation is on the line, with or without discount, you should serve properly prepared and flavored food.  Everything should be consistent, you should be aware that all your Chef’s-in-Training should be able to give justice to your food.

If you guys are in the mood for exceptional Filipino food, just go to 1521, they’re in Burgos Circle and along Shaw Blvd.  That restaurant is huge on flavor and is no nonsense (taste wise, the menu has a lot of nonsense in terms of copy HAHAHA). Same price range, but bigger taste.  I recommend the Caldereta and Potchero.

Bleah.  That’s enough ranting for a day, I have enough people who hate me already.  Plus, my Photoshop Skillz are tired.

Chef’s Table, Unit 106 The Infinity Tower, 26th St. Fort Bonifacio.  3991888, L: 12nn-2pm D:6:30pm-12mn

1521, Burgos Circle, Fort Bonifacio or along Shaw Blvd, in front of Babyland. 09178031521, 10am-11pm


One Response to “Picking on the “Chef” trend”

  1. Choco Cuaso (@chococuaso) August 31, 2011 at 8:56 am #

    I love the blog Sanya!!!! Go forth and crucify those damn coupons that have disclaimers in invisible ink.

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