So it’s kind of bittersweet to watch AR4 alone. It’s like coming home to an old friend, without your other old friend beside you. But at this moment, it will suffice.
I’m a little annoyed that there’s no one to explain all the easter-eggs to me. Like the time I had him draw a diagram to illustrate “Inception”. Now, I have to google all the bits on information I don’t understand. I’m actually yet to catch up on “Community” because now I don’t have a pop-culture geek to explain all the meta hirits that I don’t understand. But, bla bla bla bla. Here’s a Hawthorne wipe for your tears.
This week has been one of the most challenging in my entire career. Lots of sleepless nights. When I do end up drifting off, I end up dreaming about ideas and possible award-winning executions. I think i’ve finally arrived, you know, career wise. It’s true. Hello Advertising. You have finally managed to eat up my life.
It’s a little lonely. Not to have a cheering squad of one to back you up when all you want to do is sleep after being awake for more than 24 hours. It’s a little sad to come home, exhausted, knowing that you’re doing this all for yourself, and not for some bright future you’re building with a special someone. But the thing is, i’m doing this all for myself. And that’s good enough for me.
It’s my 6th month evaluation too. I find out if the company will absorb me into their stressful arms in a week’s time.
Crossing my fingers I get it. If I don’t, it’s been a good run. I mean, I was able to wake up every morning for 6 months regardless of what was happening to my personal life (falling apart). And I’m proud of that. I’m very very proud of that.
Is the worst part over? Yes. It’s over. Am I ready to start over? I don’t know. I do miss having a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to whine to.
One of my good friends, bless his heart (yeah DON i’m looking atchu), after a couple of SMS exchanges, told me:
Ihahanap na nga kita ng boyfriend para may kukulitin ka!
WHAT! I’VE ALWAYS CONSIDERED MYSELF ANNOYINGLY FUNNY. (does that make sense?) well, WELL. WELL! IS IT BECAUSE I TYPE LIKE I’M SHOUTING?!?!
Actually, I don’t need anyone (like, FIRST CASUALLY DATING WISE OK). I can’t stand the stress, I just can’t. I don’t have the patience for smiling, of trying to act impressed (when I’m usually not), the humouring, the fake-laughs. The “oh no i’m talking about work again” problems (well what else can I talk about, my life has been eaten by work). I am positive I will run out of conversation topics to present and there will be silence.
Someone who likes silence, even if it’s awkward silence. The type you just look at and even if you have nothing to say will know that you have nothing to say, and it’s all good. He too will have nothing to say and it’ll be all good.
We can sit in silence and shake hands for all I care. That actually sounds pretty fun. That or the type who will sit with me in a coffee shop to people-bash, you know, like people-watch but instead of just looking, you diss them. OMG I AM HORRIBLE.
Can’t the universe just manifest me a man (or a boy, heeheehee) with all those qualities? Implant a Sanya-chip in their brain so I don’t have to go through the whole “getting to know you” stage? Please? I’m not even asking for excruciatingly good looks (been there, dated that, didn’t work out, so there).
I’LL EVEN THROW IN 3 HANSON RELATD INSULTS! C’mon Universe! That, in exchange for a Sanya-chip implant. It’s not a bad trade-off right?
Great. This is why i’m single. THIS IS WHY I’M SINGLE.
I think it’s time to change. Stop cringing at pet names (babe! sweetiecakes! peanut brittle! babybug!) Grow my hair and bust out the pearl earrings once and for all. Be the simple girl very basic boy wants.
Because all of the interesting boys are taken
Here’s a cute shot of me eating with a bit of cleavage taken at a slightly suggestive angle and pose.